Monday, May 3, 2010

How the Mets Reversed Their Psychology

The Mets deplaned in Cincinnati with a cloud of woe that was reluctant to leave. Their top two throwers of baseballs had imploded on consecutive days in Philadelphia and the demon that stalked Francouer, unable to mire him in a slump, had taken to crashing him into walls and aiming pitches at his arms. What was worse was at the baggage claim when they buddied up using the standard rules of the buddy system, Chip Hale was without his standard buddy, Razor Shines. The players whispered to each other. Shouldn't Chip be talking to Jerry? We can't leave here without Razor!

And yet when they boarded the bus to take them to their hotel, Chip was still buddyless.

"Can I get you a Bud Light?" Francouer offered Chip, trying to jovially bring attention to the issue.

"Already got one," said Chip. And he did. To prove it, he took a sip.

"He must have anticipated that question," Jason Bay whispered to Frenchy (barring injury, the two of them were always buddies).

The usually chatty team bus was silent, except for Rod Barajas loudly humming his favorite Macy Gray songs, which he did frequently. Their heads were down until Ike Davis lifted his because he thought he heard someone speak. He didn't, but he did notice something about the bus driver. He leaned forward as far as he could without unbuckling his seatbelt. Yup. Awww man.

"Hey! That's no bus driver! That's Razor Shines!"

"Anyone want a coconut?" asked Razor from the driver's seat.

The whole bus erupted in cheers. Jason Bay jumped out of his seat and did the Bay Bridge all the way down the bus aisle. Henry Blanco broke into a passionate air guitar solo. "When do we want coconuts?" hollered David Wright, to which the entire bus resounded back with a "WRIGHT NOW!"

And so it came to pass that when Mondrow Femur, Cincinnati correspondent for Baseball Moonthly asked Jeff Francouer about the team's psychology, he leaped up and shouted to the rest of the clubhouse as they prepared for the game, "Our psychology? You want to know about our psychology?"

And then Frenchy let fly with a scream that was heard throughout Great American Ballpark. The other Mets joined in. Howling, hooting, Barajas swelling into the chorus of "I Try." There was chests and fists were bumped and Ike Davis threw a chair against a wall.

When things settled down, Francouer addressed Femur again and said, "It's a long season, we just take it day by day." Then he sipped his coconut and gave a silver wink.

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