Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Mets Ponder Some Post-Manuel Options

On the 100th floor of the Met Building in Brooklyn Heights, Fred Wilpon lays out a series of photos: his potential replacements, should they fire Jerry Manuel. Omar Minaya looks at them with consternation.
"The Dalai Lama?"
"Think of the calm presence, he'd bring to the clubhouse! Wright would get centered and stop swinging at everything. I really feel he'd fill a spiritual void."
"I'm not sure he's available, Mr. Wilpon."
"Are you sure? Have you made any calls?"
"Not on him, no."
"Damnit Omar, it's called due diligence."
"I'll get right on it. Umm... who's this?"

"Ever watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer?"
"The movie?"
"Not the damn movie, the show! It was on for like seven seasons! They even did a spinoff! Okay, how about Firefly. Damn good show. Space cowboys!"
"Mr. Wilpon, how is this-"
"Joss Wheedon! The man's a creative genius! What if we recreated the whole genre of baseball? What if that was my legacy?"
"The genre of-"
"Omar, there's something called a box, and sometimes it helps to think outside of it. Get some damn fresh air."
"That's true boss. So this next one, is he a Japanese manager?"
"Not just a manager, the former Prime Minister! Junichiro Koizumi! Why does Seattle have to have all the Ichiros? Am I right or am I right?"
"He may be looking for work."
"Damn right he is Omar, give the man a call."
"Does he speak English?"
"Hell if I know. You'll find that out when he picks up the damn phone."

"Wally Backman?"
"I like Wally. Got a raw deal in Arizona."
"He lives down the block. I'll go say hi."
"Good man Omar. Cal the others too."
"Umm... yes, Mr. Wilpon.

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